Deeper Dive: Two More Sources of Pseudo-Self-Esteem

In this Deeper Dives supplement, I’ll explore two more common sources of pseudo-self-esteem and the damage they can do to our ability to lead happy and fulfilling lives.

In my article, “Pseudo Self-Esteem: The Seductive Imposter That Undermines Happiness,” I talked about three ways that seeking pseudo-self-esteem can undermine our ability to achieve real self-esteem and thereby flourish in life. In this Deeper Dives supplement, exclusively for paid subscribers, I’ll explore two more common sources of pseudo-self-esteem and the damage they can do to our ability to lead full, happy, and fulfilling lives. 

Being “Proud” of the Unchosen

Contrary to popular belief, pride is not a vice. Rather, pride—properly understood—is one of the most important virtues that we must cultivate if we want to thrive. 

True pride is hard-earned self-respect. It is both the knowledge that you have shaped and realized the best moral character possible to you, and the emotion that results from that knowledge. We feel pride when we see evidence of our good moral character in action, such as when we learn a new skill, succeed in our career, or take a moral action in a difficult situation. 

Pride is inextricably tied into achieving strong self-esteem—it both depends on and reinforces it. When we achieve a goal that we know is good, the self-esteem that follows reinforces our pride. Our rational achievements serve as evidence of our efficacy. Our moral choices serve as evidence of our good character. And our pride—our knowledge that we are deserving and capable of being the best version of ourselves—motivates us to make the right choices and achieve great things.